Can You Show Up As You Are? – 20 of 21
I used to have to preen to the MAX before I would *sort of* pass the acceptability text with “Mike” the narcissist.
I would have to have sexy clothes on, full face of make-up, hair all done aka straight, nails done, matching *hot* undergarments, and shoes that made my core shrivel up and cry (while hobbling).
He would give snide comments if I wasn’t as *hot* as I could be. And then when I was fully dressed up, he would still say, “You can always be hotter”.
Yuck! It was disgusting and it was exhausting!!!
One day recently, I was looking at pictures of myself from that time period and I shuddered. I cried at seeing what my friends and family would have observed.
Sure, I love to do my make-up and wear fun clothes but not 24/7. I also love to go to the barn and get muddy and dirty. I also love to lounge around in cozy fuzzy housecoats (as you may have noticed most of this series takes place in said housecoats). I love to be comfy, silly, and relaxed waaaayyyyy more than I like to appear like a curvy Barbie.
I remember when Paul and I first started dating, he told me I looked the most beautiful first thing in the morning and I laughed in his face!
It was such a foreign concept that I could be beautiful with unstyled hair, no make-up, and super comfy clothes. I’m so grateful to him for opening my eyes to that idea.
A while ago I learned to show up as I am within my close group of people.
The next step of growth was showing up as I am to everyone/publicly.
My previous video, “Falling in Love with Yourself” was the honest capturing of that. I looked into my camera recording me and cried with tears of joy, love, and acceptance. This series of videos has been wonderfully freeing in that!
They say that when you reach a certain age you don’t care what people think. I had always prided myself in that but somewhere along the way, I lost that with “Mike”. It’s so freeing to step back into that and really allow myself to be *be*.
Are you able to show up as you are?