Setting Up Healthy Boundaries For Yourself – 21 of 21
This video and write-up offer a very important insight as to why they stay in an abusive relationship.
Two words – Boundaries and Closure
I started thinking about how that jerk from last week (watch my video “Disgusting Behaviour“) was feeling. Hoping he was feeling remorseful for what he did. Then I caught myself.
I realized I was looking for closure – the happily ever after where everyone learned their lessons and played nicely. I really wanted him to see the error of his ways and make amends so that we could part ways and there would be a feeling of closure.
I remembered that’s the way I was thinking about it with “Mike” too. I was continuously hoping that he would finally own his part in the story and be a better person. Near the end, he put on a good performance of taking the steps to heal his vicious temper and stop his abusive ways – to respect the boundaries within our relationship that I was trying to enforce.
In the meantime, I kept waiting for an event that would without a reason of a doubt be obvious that he was just a purely evil person and there was no hope for him or “us”.
I wanted an event to happen that would give cause to walk away with the feeling of having said all I needed to say and to have tied things up nicely with no reason to ever communicate ever again.
That doesn’t happen.
They always find a way to give you hope and have you remain in their web.
Closure is something that feels so good to have but is oftentimes like an allusive unicorn – at least when we are looking for it externally.
You are the only one that can create and enforce that closure. Closure is an internal state. Not something that someone else gives to you.
The only time it happens is when you decide in your mind to end it. Then you preserve it by setting up healthy boundaries that you stick with.
Boundaries are rules that you have that keep you safe and protected. When you don’t have these rules people can treat you, however, they want. You don’t have a reason to not accept such behaviour.
Self Love is the strongest boundary of all. Things that you love, cherish, and protect.
If you need help creating or identifying your boundaries, I can help. I’d love to see you safe. I’d love to have you feel the feeling of closure.